


Maybe I do Need Help

by Kcolrehssemloh



Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 20:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1239577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kcolrehssemloh/pseuds/Kcolrehssemloh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a continuation of my last post on a eating disorder, requested by a anon on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe I do Need Help

**Author's Note:**

> This happens more than we think, if you find yourself or friend in this situation please talk to someone, you don't need to go through this alone. My ask box is always open on tumblr if you need someone to listen, my URL is the same as my user name here. Please do get help even if it is just on a help line. This is the national eating disorder confidential number   
> 1-800-931-2237

"Can you do one where Benedict catches you purging or something related to your last fic" from anon on tumblr.

It has been a month since my workout obsession, Benedict has been keeping as close an eye on me as he can. He's been super busy and out traveling most of the time. I still have doubts about my weight. It really is bothering me, it never used to bother me that much but I guess being Mrs. Cumberbatch can have that effect on a girl. I want to keep up a good figure for public events and such. I've been making myself sick for a few days now. I don't like it but I can't help it, it's better than working out constantly and ending up in the hospital. Ben would flip if he ever finds out about this.   
********  
"Excuse me babe." I say getting up from dinner and excusing myself to the restroom to rid myself of the dinner I just ate.

I return a few minutes later after I've gathered myself.

"I was getting worried about you." Ben said as you entered the room.

"Oh sorry, didn't mean to make you worry." I replied.

"How are you feeling?" Ben has been asking this so much since my episode last month.

"Babe, I've told you I'm fine." 

"I'm just checking darling." He said.

It's another quiet night on the sofa snuggling with him, he is so sweet to me and really does love me. I love him with all my heart, I just wish I could love myself. It's something I'm having a hard time with right now. 

I purge once more before bed. It isn't healthy and I know that but I need to keep this figure.  
*********  
Benedict has a day of meetings today so after he's gone I retreat to the restroom. 

I'm bent over as I hear the bathroom door open. It's Benedict, he returned home to pick up some readings he needed for one of his meetings, he forgot to grab them before he left.

"What are you doing?" He asks quickly.

"Uh..." It's all I could say. I couldn't face him, I was caught. 

"Are you making your self sick?!" He says a bit loud.

I slipped to my knees and wept as I nodded my head. Ben came beside me and squatted down beside me, one hand holding my back and the other grabbing my other shoulder to turn me to him. 

I wept into his firm hug as he stroked my hair and rubbed my back. He was crying a bit as he was worried for me all over again. I felt horrible now that I was caught, I asked myself how I could do this to Benedict. It wasn't fair to make him worry about me when he had so much work to do. 

He didn't speak a word, just let me cry in his arms. 

A few minutes passed before he spoke softly in my ear.

"If you felt yourself getting to this point you could have come to me. I could have helped you."

"No Benedict, you couldn't have helped me. I have to do this, I need to keep this figure for you and the public."

"You don't need to do anything for anyone except you. Your health is the most important thing. Your looks? You are beautiful, I don't give a damn what your figure is."

I couldn't reply as I was too upset.

"Let's go." He said softly pulling me to my feet.

"Where?" 

"I'm not having you in the same condition you were in last time. I'm getting you help, this behavior is dangerous."

"I'm not going anywhere Ben!"

"You are, or I'll bring them here. But your getting help for this. I can't do this on my own." 

He held me tight for the rest of the day and stayed with me until my appointment with a doctor the following day. He made me eat and he stood by the bathroom door if I had to excuse myself. Just like a child, I felt humiliated.

"I'm not a damn child Benedict. You can trust me tonight." I said harshly.

"No, I let this happen on my watch, I'm suppose to make you happy. I'm supposed to keep you healthy, 'in sickness and in health' you remember?" He teared up feeling like a failure.

"No, you didn't let me get this way... I let myself get to this point and then I couldn't stop. I let you down and I can't forgive myself for it."

We embraced and held each other for a while. 

He held me all night in bed and held my hand the next day in therapy. 

"You're beautiful my darling and there is nothing in the world that should make you feel like you should do this to yourself. Please, no more. This has to stop, for you and for me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Ben said after the appointment.  
_________________________________

 

This happens more than we think, if you find yourself or friend in this situation please talk to someone, you don't need to go through this alone. My ask box is always open if you need someone to listen. Please do get help even if it is just on a help line. This is the national eating disorder confidential number   
1-800-931-2237


End file.
